4. If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made William Shakespeare. Use the following retirement jokes and quotes for the final farewell speech, the farewell card, or just for a different perspective while you check your life savings: The best thing about sixty-five is knowing everything, the best thing about retirement is having lots of time to . Dont be the leader people hope get into a car wreck, 5. For instance, Take the simple phrase, "Secure the building." By Gen. George W. Casey, Jr. March 1, 2011 Share on Twitter; Share on Facebook "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does." -Unknown. By Gen. McKiernan July 23, 2009. And besides, you can appreciate your military friend by using these quotes. Thank you. Retired Navy SEAL commander who led the Osama bin Laden raid tells MIT 2020 graduates: "To save the world, you will have to be men and women of great integrity." Admiral William McRaven. Thanks Matt. Group 3 are warriors of all ranks. Retirement speeches can be tricky, there is no doubt about it. points he made during his speech that were supplemented with stories and humor. . Whether you're writing a retirement roast speech or just putting a funny note in a greeting card, these are some hilarious ways to congratulate coworkers on retirement: Theyre called naps. Terri Guillemets, Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money. Author Unknown, Retirement: Worlds longest coffee break. Unknown, Retirement: No Job, No Stress, No Pay! Unknown, Instead of saving for someone elses college education, Im currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch. Jen Kirkman, Retirement is like a long vacation in Vegas. It has to do with my income. It's posted here with his permission. - Jonathan Clements. That is our policy., The issue is one of life or death for the Soviet State, for the peoples of the U.S.S.R. " Unknown, One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine is that the Americans do not read their manuals.- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook, The object of war is not to die for your country; the object is to make the other bastard die for his. General George S. Patton. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder. And someday well find these are the best of times song best of times by Styx. - Samuel Johnson. Carefully consider your audience. Where the snow falls so hard and fast you cant see your hand in front of your face, desperately trying to shovel snow from behind a 110-ton blast door so you can gain access and repair a missile. Officer: Soldier. Military Retirement Ceremony Address. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Youre an exceptional officer who puts your heart into everything you do. Its an honor to stand before you here today. Funny retirement speech sample Dear Colleague, You are leaving today to retire. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. You can even combine jokes and anecdotes and tell a funny story -maybe a memorable incident that happened with the retiring co-worker in the past! Work those acknowledgements in after your opening story, quote or other intriguing start. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. As a young Airman back in 1998, I decided it was a good idea to buy a Labrador Retriever puppy. You can update your choices at any time in your settings. Ive lit the blue touch paper and found theres nowhere to retire to. Doctor Who. Laugh retirement in the face and lighten up with a bit of humor. "I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension!" - Author Unknown "Retirement is wonderful. We are going to twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all of the time. I almost always feel inclined, when I happen to say anything to soldiers, to impress upon them in a few brief remarks the importance of success in this contest. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Here are some one-liners and jokes for retirement speeches. Anyone born in the 90s has always known the internet. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. kegs of beer in my backyard after the ceremony. 23. When I retired I was asked by a co-worker how many years experience I had? You had tents?" Joke #6 USAF: Birds USA: Choppers USN: Helos USMC: OHH! President Reagan had just given his speech at the Brandenburg Gate demanding, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall", but cold war wasn't over yet. Youre special people. might be considered a vanguard of group 4. Samuel Johnson After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! - Unknown. Oh, how jealous I am of you You make me feel blue! (pointing at the sky). The goal is to enjoy these years to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. Jonathan Clements, My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii. Julius Sharpe, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. From this experience Chief Bales taught me the value of keeping promises, even when things get messy. Not much is going on. But, Id really hate to waste this speech I wrote, so Ill take just a few more minutes of your time. You can help make those dreams Some people ask why we still need nuclear weapons; some ask how do you stay motivated to work on a weapon system not used since the two atomic bombs were dropped on Japan in 1945; the bombs that brought an end to World War II. This sets people up to anticipate what you are going to say. On January 6, 2017, I bid farewell to the Air Force. Till now, you live for the country, but the time has come to look after yourself. So take a look at the hilarious retirement messages below and use them in a card, with a gift or just in person to have a bit of fun as they embark on such a big moment. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. These great national problems are not for your professional participation or military solution. Everyone here today is invited to Enjoy! Use these funny wishes to show someone youre happy for them as they retire but also can have a joke and some fun with them about it. 80.58 % / 439 votes. My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. This button displays the currently selected search type. Illustrious knights, generous defenders of the Cross, remember the example of your fathers who conquered Jerusalem and whose names are inscribed in Heaven., I am amongst you at this time, not as for my recreation or sport, but being resolved, in the midst and heat of the battle, to live or die amongst you all; to lay down, for my God, and for my kingdom, and for my people, my honor and my blood., You will, by the dignity of your conduct, afford occasion for posterity to say, when speaking of the glorious example you have exhibited to mankind, Had this day been wanting, the world had never seen the last stage of perfection to which human nature is capable of attaining. "A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job." -Ella Harris. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. Includes words for retirement for family, friends & bosses. Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime Leaders like Lt Col Fowler and Captain Bergeron continually teach me what taking care of people and the mission is all about. Best wishes to you and your family, thank you for your service to this Great Nation and God Bless. Funny Retirement Quotes 1. Retirement is just a never-ending vacation! USN: Helos to an education. While on site my technicians were working in the launch tube and installing bolts in the missile suspension system. Im also honored that Mr. Jeff Hatcher could make the trip all the way from Tennessee. Most of you would agree that our mission is as important as ever. My apologies for the time you spent in the heat. Congratulations. Retirement is just a never-ending vacation. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. These are combats worth of you, combats in which it is glorious to conquer and advantageous to die. "Joy" by Martin Dejnicki This poem works as an affectionate farewell. 24. Today reminds me of the time when Governor Swanson of Virginia made a long and rambling speech. Work like you dont need money, love like youll never get hurt, youve got to dance like no one is watchin, Its gotta come from the heart if you want it to work! Id like to share some of that with you today. The basic elements of planning a successful retirement party are the same. Well it is the day before Christmas. March 1, 2011 -- Remarks for the Retirement Ceremony of Sergeant Major of the Army Ken Preston. So Nancy and I decided he needed to be loved and let him sleep in the bed with us. Marines Say OOOOORAH! I am, instead, giving a vote of thanks. Thou thy worldly task hast done, home art gone and taken thy wages. The fact that the apartment complex I lived in didnt allow pets didnt deter me. Without the bread and butter however those accomplishments could not exist. Samples for retirement message for military: 1). My team and I had recently graduated training and we had been running the field for about a month. Dont raise your hands to answer, especially if you are sitting next to that person right now. Well, the next week when I saw Tony again, he shared a few details with me. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? 2) Old age, fragile bones, doctor visits, medical checkups and a weak bladder - are you still looking forward to retirement? More than just a wish, our enemies have the capability and desire. Because the Army needed heroes too. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little leaving speech at the dinner. IT'S TRULY A GREAT DAY TO BE A SOLDIER. This list of funny retirement wishes is perfect for anyone in your life, & is guaranteed to bring smiles. There is no one in this room who has not played some significant part in breaking my fall. -that the peals of laughter I hear resounding from the staff room reflect the vibrant and happy staff that we are fortunate to have. As someone with your insight (and hindsight) i am certain you will bloom brightly wherever else you plant yourself! Hope you enjoy all the perks of retirement., Yes, he laughed, Ive been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. Pontificate on how you achieved such incredible success. Thank you to each of you. I told the reporter, In fact, we use these missiles 365 days a year. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! If you know the retiree has a great sense of humor and is taking retirement lightly, you can use funny retirement wishes to say congratulations. Without the responsibilities of standing duty, getting underway, and 60+ hour work weeks, I was afforded the time to reflect upon my Naval career, and in particular, Continue reading "Military Retirement Ceremony: It's Not About You" A line like It wasnt until could fit in well. One liner tags: marriage, men, retirement, women. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. Our people must know no fear in fight and must selflessly join our patriotic war of liberation, our war against the fascist enslavers., Here we will stand and fight; there will be no further withdrawal. I was a Missile Maintenance Team Chief in 2005. Retirement is like coming home one day and telling your wife, honey, I'm home for good! They've got really short hair and they always go for the throat RAdm. And that includes many He said KC must really miss you, because when I put him in the kennel you gave me he doesnt stop whining. "John Wick: "I'm workin' on it." - John Wick: Chapter 2. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. Fear no more the heat o the sun, nor the furious winter's rages. Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at. He asked, What does it feel like to put so much work into something that well likely never use? I used the occasion on that cold November day as a teaching moment. The Army will post guards around the place. It's an honor to stand before you here today. The generation that is now blessed to serve will do its duty and ensure that our nation remains strong. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Mold them answerable; make them responsible; make them help each other but also hold each other accountable. However, being funny is challenging to do. 4. . While some teams skipped procedure steps and swooped, he taught me to do it right every time. We will stand and fight here. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. Thomas Jefferson said Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. . In good times and in bad, we worked together accomplishing the mission of sustaining the worlds most powerful weapon system. I yelled, called them names, and told them they would never have another day off. Best of times song best of times song best of times by Styx the best times! As an affectionate farewell young Airman back in 1998, I & # x27 s... Smile ; if not, why, we use these missiles 365 days a year Wabo is a former Squad! Generation that is now blessed to serve will do its duty and ensure that our is! 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